Bro-zoned

Chest to chest
Eye to eye
Palm to palm
We had always been that close
That close in doing that one thing
The one thing that had once made a prince out of a frog
But no! There’s no way I’d have risked it right outside your home!
I might have been imprisoned for ‘defiling’ a minor had the neighbors report us to your father!

For far too long I’ve wanted us to talk,
Talk about who we are and where we are
Talk about how, from where we were, we would be going
And the opportunities have always come
But whenever I found what I thought was the opportune time,
I kept on losing strength and courage each moment you would say,
“Go ahead, bro. What is it that you want to tell me?”
All along you’ve been seeing me as a bro? Like really?

I remember I even played you Khalid’s song talk that goes,
“Can’t we just talk? Talk about where we’re going before we get lost”
But it seems you never got the point.
All you did was look at me, smile, nod, and say the song is nice
A response that came as a surprise, leaving my ribs hurt in laughter,
But, what surprised me most was seeing you join me in laughing
I mean, what was funny with me laughing that made you laugh?
Anyway…

Hair Politics 1: The Balded Burr

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Welcome to my series the hair politics. Here, I’ll get to take you through my life’s journey in striving and ensuring that I achieve the freedom to decide what to do with my hair. In this hair politics, you will get to witness the struggles and battles I have gone through while resisting moments in my life where I was forced to do injustices such as completely shaving my hair against my will.

In this first series, we take a look at how and where my hair politics journey began. Welcome.

My love for hair began in primary school. That was way back in the year 2010. At this time, I was in class five, nowadays referred to as grade five in the current competency-based curriculum. Being in a mixed day school, girls were the major determining factors of many things. In regards to this case, for girls to associate and become friends with you as a boy, the look on your head really mattered! It mattered a lot! Boy’s that completely shaved their head bald were seen as old fashioned. They were seen as less cool and were often regarded as people with low taste and class, something which was attributed as a result of that type of haircut being cheap. This ‘stereotype’ on boys who shaved the bald way was most common with those living in the urban town areas like Nairobi and Mombasa.

I was the kind of kid who was concerned about such stuff. I mean, which kid my age wouldn’t want to be regarded as cool and new-fashioned. Getting to live in Nairobi’s urban area Kasarani, the ‘stereotype’ was greatly used, and to avoid being linked to it, I had to conform to the new-fashioned way. In this case concerning shaving styles, it was the burr haircut accompanied by a cut all around the hair. With this haircut, I would feel safe and at ease while at school, and in the end, the mission would have been completed. I was able to relate with the girls well, fellow students never laughed at me… What better life in school could I have asked for?!

The next year also saw me live that comfortable life in school, something which I thought would continue forever till I graduate primary school but little did I know that things would go that way. Later that year at around December, my dad bought a shaving machine that he would use to shave us. Alas! That folks was the beginning of an ending!
The burr haircut style was long gone.

With my father as the barber, he would give me a clean bald haircut! At the beginning of his shaving career, he was so rough and bad at it that after being shaved, I occasionally developed razor bumps at the back of my head near my neck. I remember having used that as an excuse to go to a barbershop and get the haircut services from there but that never changed his mind.

The first two times that he gave me the bald shave got me going to school unprepared and as a result, it had cost me some embarrassment in my class. I had become the laughing stock of the class but that folks, was not for long. On the third time that I was shaved by my dad, I decided to make lemonade out of the lemons that life had given me at that time. And what better way could it have been were it not of putting on the Marvin caps while going to school. Although it never changed the situation of I being bald, it at least helped in minimizing the embarrassment in school!

A Couple That Never Was. All, Thanks To Me.

d0It only took two months into my 1.2 (second semester of my first year) for me to ‘know’ the girl I would marry. This, courtesy of a revelation I got after having an amazing talk with my friend Mokan.

My friendship with one beauty queen Nene had blossomed marvelously. Nene was among the first girls in university to be my girlfriend (Girlfriend is a girl who is a friend. To my parents, aunties, and uncles, hope this is clear). She was easy to make friends with and at any moment that we would meet along the varsity streets and corridors, she would always wave at me. Sometimes, we would stop and say hi to each other. This is an attribute that is rare especially for first-year ladies. Most of them turn a blind eye to gents, something that I don’t understand. Anyway…

As days went on, our relationship as friends kept growing. By then, we had gotten used to each other and so conversing was not an issue. Occasionally, during functions that saw us meet, I would walk straight to where she is and sit next to her. All in a bid to kill boredom (You know how university lectures can become boring) and also, to be active during the function. No other intentions whatsoever. This, however, was noticed differently by Mokan.

The amazing talk I had with Mokan over Nene as a wife material happened one Saturday afternoon. It was minutes towards the closure of church after the afternoon service. I was browsing outside the pavilion grounds (where we hold church services from) using the eduroam Wi-Fi when Mokan came where I was. Moments later, Nene passed by where we were. Knowing us all, she greeted us and proceeded to where she was headed to. Hardly had she walked a hundred meters away when Mokan started the talk.

“By the way, I have been seeing you and Nene around the school.” He began. “You guys make such great friends. She’s such a good girl and hey man, thrive your relationship even further! With her values and how you guys roll out together, she’s a good girl to be your wife. Your relationship is on the right track. Just work it through for all to go well so that, immediately after you graduate, you do your wedding. You see…”

Surprised, is what can best describe how I was. Mokan’s words changed the way I viewed Nene as a friend to me. The following two months saw my mind heed unknowingly to what Mokan had told me. Whenever we would be together with her, I don’t know how it happened but, I used to picture the two of us as a couple! From then on till when school was closed for the long holiday, I found myself following what Mokan told me, working my way through . But that moment never lasted for long. It was in that year’s long holiday that I slowly found myself getting out of track in working my way to Nene.

Till today, I am really happy that Nene knows nothing about this . I mean, there is no way I could tell her. She would have thought all that in the story was just a cover-up of me trying to confess my feelings to her and that could have broken the friendship we hold till now. You really don’t know how hard I’ve strived for me to keep it unknown to her. But wait! Might have Mokan used the same approach by telling Nene what he told me? Hmm…

Reasons Why Dating is Essential

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Being single makes one feel is very lonely. This, I can tell you for What can you derive from the table above?

Take a look at the following table and make a comparison.

  Single Person Person who is dating
Morning Wakes up with no “Good morning dear? How was your night…”  kind of text message. Wakes up to a “Good morning dear? How was your night…”  kind of text message from the person he/she is dating
Night All alone watching a movie, watching TV or laying on bed viewing WhatsApp statuses after which, you sleep. Although alone, feels as if in the company of the person he/she is dating as they are conversing to each other calling or texting. Making them feel not lonely

One thing that is Continue reading “Reasons Why Dating is Essential”

Closuring The Grief

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Grief is a reaction to any form of loss. Grief is not limited to feelings of sadness. It can also involve guilt, yearning, anger, and regret. Emotions are often surprising in their strength or mildness. It’s important to note that emotions at times can also be confusing.

When traumatic things happen, as they inevitably do, we experience certain losses, leading us to grieve over what has been lost. It can be loss of life, relationship, home, or some other treasured part of life. In wondering what to do after such a blow, we might look to alternatives and in many cases, finding cultural, religious, or family rituals to guide us through their grief. In this piece, we particularly look at closuring the grief process in the loss of a loved one. (Ps, I’ve derived closuring from closure, hehe.)

Many therapies aimed to deal with grief and loss focus on the work of grieving. The goal being, reaching an endpoint, what is nowadays termed as closure. Closure implies finality, something ending, or in-completion. It is often the short description of the “normal end-stage” of grief.”Continue reading “Closuring The Grief”

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